17 March 2018

Endings and Beginnings

It is always bittersweet when we arrive at the end of a good experience--a vacation, occupation, etc.  I had been juggling multiple things in my career during this transition period and as I happily end those which were meant to end, I am enveloped by a feeling of blessed relief. I've always tried to maintain good professional and fraternal relationships wherever I am; with an omnipresent awareness that things eventually change. I've always related to Mary Poppins or Nanny McPhee. Whereas I have always critiqued myself about most things, I pride myself on being a memorable part of other people's lives. I may not establish the tightest connections, I tend to create comfortable and easy ones. Of course, there were a handful of individuals who most certainly preferred to cut ties with yours truly--the proverbial "burning of the bridge" was not at my prompting. I could have been a great addition to their lives, but all I can do is shrug and move on to whomever I can lift up.  

Consider this as a much deserved pat on the back. To my husband as well, who is upgrading to a position in which he will be able to do what he loves to do. Kudos, Mr. Specialist!

So I hoist my rucksack of rainbows and confetti and move on to the next adventure.

We are all inherently good, friends. We just need to remind ourselves and do what we ought.

Labels: ,

16 February 2018

Headspace and Clarity

In spite of excessive, unconstrained over-analysis of my immediate social milieu, I am happy to have discovered the Headspace app for some requisite lucidity. Apart from this verbose outlet I have on blogger, Headspace encouraged the visualization of a blue sky--to bring our minds back to a peaceful state as if we were resting atop a high mountain overlooking a canyon. Often, the unpalatable feelings I experience are brought about by my conscious and voluntary tendency to replay a thought or idea that I'm fixated on.  I let my mind wander and let it be. It's not always a desirable activity--I should make it a point to think of the bigger, blue-er sky as opposed to that tiny, minute dark cloud.  I'm currently looking forward to connecting with an art curator to beautify my workstation--a pleasant and surprising benefit of an unfurnished place of toil. Ah, landscape art.

Labels: , ,

15 February 2018

Visceral Reactions

Raise your glass if you encounter inconsistent behaviour from persons you initially deemed as trustworthy. I feel duped when I discover that what was agreed upon is presented differently to others—packaged in a seemingly neutralized but obviously modified format. The worst feeling is the delayed discovery that my naïveté led me to this trap of politicking. The worse than worst feeling is realizing that this wasn’t the first time; a viscious cycle.  I detest being a pawn in someone’s wicked chess game. Raise the drawbridge. Build a great wall. 


31 January 2018

To Endure

'It may well be that we will have to repent in this generation.  Not merely for the vitriolic words and the violent actions of the bad people, but for the appalling silence and indifference of the good people who sit around and say, "Wait on time."' ~Martin Luther King Jr.


13 January 2018

Not frobly-mobly

"Frobly-mobly" means neither well nor unwell. Fun fact.

It would appear that Disney has a supply of apt videos for my recent blog posts--I encourage you to watch the famous song "Reflection" from the film Mulan, which was sung by none other than Tony Award-winning and fellow Filipina Lea Salonga...

It seems that we all put on a mask to measure up to whatever standards are imposed by our environment. Even if one has achieved what is expected (e.g. wealth, education, etc.), deep within there is an undeniable insatiability that is sometimes mistaken as the need to level-up one's goals.  Most of the ruminations in our head are really fed by wanting to be affirmed by others.  We forget that we should put ourselves right on top of the pecking order. Of course, it's easier said than done especially if our personal happiness is tightly linked to other people's happiness.  The first step is to "sshh" our minds as Chris Evans suggests in this feature.

As for me, I realized that there's a need to constantly remind myself that I have control over how attached I should be about my thoughts, because I forget--just like Dory from Finding Nemo. Much of the anxious feelings I experience are due to over-examination or over-interpretation of certain events or encounters, which is probably the case for most of us.  So it's useful to tell one's self: "*insert your name*, ssshh."   

Labels: ,

06 January 2018

On appreciating the process of living

Hakuna Matata...it means no worries for the rest of your days. It's our problem-free philosophy, Hakuna Matata! ~Timon and Pumbaa

I have tried to commence 2018 with a positive outlook by looking at the bigger picture so as to scan aspects of my life that I've put on the lower tiers of my priority list last year (e.g. physical health, better parenting skills, arts & humanities, recreation, travel, etc.). In relation to the preceding blog post, 2017 was certainly a pivotal period. You know that feeling when you're going through something significantly challenging and what keeps you moving is the oasis of that day when that challenge becomes a thing of the past? I'm at that moment now--that moment of relief.  Relief and (interestingly) separation anxiety...sepanx. Not the disorder, but the millenial slang for the feeling you get when you have to uncling to something. Let's face it, we all wake up each day because of the things that drive us to achieve a fulfilled life.

I once thought that life would proceed the way I would like for it to happen if I just stay on track and tick all the required boxes. I was going to be a musician, physician, person with PhD, housewife...like a determined Pac-Man who ends up arriving at an unintended place. 
Going this way, oh okay, this way, uh (stuck in a rut), oh this is where I'm supposed to be.

I remember a previous post I wrote about focusing on the process of thriving and basking in the entire spectrum of human emotions.  As Ralph Waldo Emerson famously stated, Life is a journey, not a destination.  

Labels: ,

27 December 2017

A new hope

As the end of the year looms ahead, most people either look back on their accomplishments and/or enumerate resolutions.  I suppose I would like to join the bandwagon and do the same--I also think it's apropos to simply be grateful. This year was sort of an intensive life training for me. In psychology parlance, this year was a battery of tests in which I could have given up at any point and I am immensely grateful for the strength and resilience that I could only attribute to something beyond the metaphysical--definitely supernatural.  Definitely God.

I am currently reading a suspense thriller by James Rollins entitled "The Eye of God" where I found the following statements referring to Plato's allegory of the cave:
"WHAT IS REALITY? It's both the simplest question to answer--and the hardest...Plato described the true world as nothing more than a flickering shadow on a cave wall...Could Plato have been right all along: that we are blind to the true reality around us, that all we know is nothing more than the flickering shadow on a cave wall?"  

How we are feeling at this moment is based on our interpretation of our reality.  We feel *insert feeling*, because we focus on a specific "flickering shadow" that is probably a small part of our true reality (which could also be our false interpretation of the truth).  It's alright if the feeling is on the positive/ happy side of the spectrum. Nevertheless, we tend to see what we want to see. I have a bad habit of putting more weight on the less pleasant experiences...loss, hurt, disappointment, oppression, lack of self-worth, covert aggression, etc.

Consider this my recycled resolution: healthy detachment. Let go. Carpe diem. Take the high road. Move on. Be kind. Respect everyone.

Labels: , ,

04 December 2017

Pause button, please

If I could stop time for a couple of hours just to sleep. To romanticize sleep, here's Pablo Neruda's Sonnet 81, read by Andy Garcia and Julia Roberts for the soundtrack of the film Il Postino (The Postman). This is my ode to sleep--replace "You" with sleep. Anthropomorphizing sleep is something odd people like yours truly would do. Cheers.


26 November 2017

Trust your innate wisdom

I was prompted to write this entry due to current events encompassing harassment, normalization of hate and bigotry, violence, false news, divisiveness, and an article shared on Twitter about how harassers use "gas lighting" to sow seeds of self-doubt on their prey.  The term gas lighting was also used a few hours ago by a writer (who identifies as a person of color) who decided to leave the online newsletter she used to work for due to the "hipster racism" that one of its creators represented.  

Gas lighting is a manipulative tactic employed by a person that begins with provocation (e.g. a racist remark) and then when called out on it will divert his/her action by stating that the provocation was not intentional or that the other person is over-reacting or making things up.  This strategy effectively causes anxiety and oftentimes (a sort of) submission by the manipulated person.  I have witnessed this and even experienced this through the years.  What my parents taught me was to trust my gut. 

My mother had excellent intuition--a lot of us think she may be of the supernatural kind, actually (haha).  My visceral reaction is what I (up to this day) trust.  If I feel I am being manipulated, there's a twitch that happens inside my head. I blink. Red light bulb flashes. It is not something you can read on, unfortunately, but really only develop after years of various interactions.  My simplistic course of action is to disengage cordially.  No volcanic eruption-type confrontation or pyromantics.  Honest words. The low-syllable count kind, if possible.  I often pride myself as being able to handle many difficult situations, negotiations, and confrontations in a sophisticated manner without being sly or dishonest. 

Dishonesty and sesquipedalian rhetoric--just not classy. Hah, I used sesquipedalian. Anyway, I do not mingle with the low integrity, insecure types. I would rather befriend an uneducated street sweeper (who, based on experience, tend to be the wisest kind of people you would meet) than a multi-hyphenate, multi-trillionaire, who owns multinational companies with the business acumen of Mojo Jojo....you understand my drift. I also detest witnessing a gas lighter gas lighting a gas lightee.  Ew.

Thought cloud filler: You can cover the smell of excrement with bottles of lysol, but really, excrement is excrement. Correct? High five.      

Labels: , ,

24 November 2017

sine qua non

So much fatigue that has manifested into a full blown flu-like situation.
Went to PoemHunter for a mental respite and Lucy Maud Montgomery's "Come Rest Awhile" stated You have forgotten what it is to smile, in your too busy lifecome, rest awhile.