aiming for magnanimity

Being an academician can sometimes make me think highly of myself. Hugh Jackman once said that the cure for all types of insecurity is education. However, too much of it can make a person incredibly arrogant and stubborn. And all the more insecure...and easily suspicious of colleagues...and plain self-centered. A passage from Desiderata says, if you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. We can never be the best among the rest....the creamiest of the crop...it's just a stupid goal. To keep my feet on the ground and my head in its normal size, I constantly read the following excerpt from The Inner Life by Thomas a Kempis:

Everyone naturally desires knowledge, but of what use is knowledge itself without the fear of God?...Did I possess all knowledge in the world, but had no love, how would this help me before God, who will judge me by my deeds?... Restrain an inordinate desire for knowledge, in which is found much anxiety and deception. Learned men always wish to appear so, and desire recognition of their wisdom. But there are many matters, knowledge of which brings little or no advantage to the soul...
The more complete and excellent your knowledge, the more severe will be God's judgement on you, unless your life be the more holy. Therefore, do not be conceited of any skill or knowledge you may possess, but respect the knowledge that is entrusted to you. If it seems to you that you know a great deal and have wide
experience in many fields, yet remember that there are many matters of which you
are ignorant. So do not be conceited, but confess your ignorance. Why do you wish to esteem yourself above others, when there are many who are wiser and more perfect in the Law of God? If you desire to know or learn anything to your advantage, then take delight in being unknown and unregarded.
A true understanding and humble estimate of oneself is the highest and most valuable of all lessons. To take no account of oneself, but always to think well and highly of others is the highest wisdom and perfection.

Humility is something we should all aspire to have. It's very very difficult to not think highly of oneself. My desire to be truly and utterly humble is almost unachievable...and may even seem like I am falsely modest and self-righteous. It's just that when you think about it, in the long run, when you've achieved everything you've hoped for at the expense of others, you may find yourself unhappy. Being on top is a very lonely place to be in...and I don't ever want to be in that position ever.