wanted: grounding force

I'm not one who has been gifted with a life in which I got whatever I wanted. Almost always I'm in that so close, yet so far situation. I always compromised. It has been a normal thing for me to say "oh well, maybe next time."

And then there are rare instances when I actually get what I've always wanted...or experienced something I thought I would never experience...inexplicably--I get scared. Scared. Scared? Scared! Of what? I don't know. I just know I'm scared.

Maybe because it's not the status quo.
Maybe because I've accepted my ordinariness.
Maybe because I want my life to be simple.
Maybe because it's just plain scary...in an icy-cold-but-I-think-I-might-like-it sort of way.
Maybe because I might not like myself after liking it.

I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.