my apologies
No sage-like post anytime this week. Let's just hope I become possessed by the Oracle of Delphi soon so I can finally write something worth reading.
This will be another page in the cyber-rant chapter of my life. Ahem ahem.
Let us just say that I am abhorred by a certain, well, related...okay, relative by marriage. [It's a good thing this person...she/he/it has an aversion toward the internet and computers in general...for some reason I do not know] Well, the reason the aforementioned relation actually became a relation was due to unplanned circumstances involving a hasty marriage caused by a pleasant human activity. *hitting my head with my fist*
Let us also say that my more or less smooth...welcomed...agreeable (?) entrance to the same family spurned the abhorrent behavior towards my presence. I have tried my very best to be nonchalant or even invisible to this person. My occupation and everything else about me irks this person. I have also been made aware that this person fishes constantly about my potential dirt or whatnot. This person feels triumphant with the known fact that my domestic and parental skills are very rusty. I allow this person to revel in my lack of wife/motherly expertise or my imperfect skin. And this person can be very blatant and tactless and occasionally humiliating.
When I am with this person I do not talk about work. I do not talk about my son. I do not talk about my life. I do not talk about what I know. I do not talk about anything. Because the only conversation that can be allowed is anything that involves how bad I am with whatever weakness I have.
A specific event happened a few moments ago and I could not bear the crass thing that this person did to me. Well, crass may be too much....perhaps, insensitive thing? Petty thing, even? I had to politely excuse myself from the elders and the rest of the assemblage by saying that nature was calling (more of screaming). And my dear non-judgmental friend, blogger, is here to comfort my dangerously vanishing self-esteem.
I am slowly becoming convinced that I have an "L" mark on my forehead that is visible only to certain persons. Even if I try my very best to be invisible, some people just want to use me as a sacrificial lamb meant specifically for mocking or target practice or entertainment...because it makes them feel good. The ultimate question is 'what did I ever do to these people?' Nothing. I never forced myself to be a part of anything. I was literally being shoved by, I don't know, fate(?) to certain situations.
Yesterday, a friend told me that there's a reason for everything...and that perhaps, I may not necessarily be the main character in the plot. That I am a tool. That didn't sound right...I am a tool. Peter O'Toole...sorry, could not help it. The thing is that I get exhausted. I really do.
I wish I could curl up like a defensive millipede. It's really taking a toll on my sanity.
This will be another page in the cyber-rant chapter of my life. Ahem ahem.
Let us just say that I am abhorred by a certain, well, related...okay, relative by marriage. [It's a good thing this person...she/he/it has an aversion toward the internet and computers in general...for some reason I do not know] Well, the reason the aforementioned relation actually became a relation was due to unplanned circumstances involving a hasty marriage caused by a pleasant human activity. *hitting my head with my fist*
Let us also say that my more or less smooth...welcomed...agreeable (?) entrance to the same family spurned the abhorrent behavior towards my presence. I have tried my very best to be nonchalant or even invisible to this person. My occupation and everything else about me irks this person. I have also been made aware that this person fishes constantly about my potential dirt or whatnot. This person feels triumphant with the known fact that my domestic and parental skills are very rusty. I allow this person to revel in my lack of wife/motherly expertise or my imperfect skin. And this person can be very blatant and tactless and occasionally humiliating.
When I am with this person I do not talk about work. I do not talk about my son. I do not talk about my life. I do not talk about what I know. I do not talk about anything. Because the only conversation that can be allowed is anything that involves how bad I am with whatever weakness I have.
A specific event happened a few moments ago and I could not bear the crass thing that this person did to me. Well, crass may be too much....perhaps, insensitive thing? Petty thing, even? I had to politely excuse myself from the elders and the rest of the assemblage by saying that nature was calling (more of screaming). And my dear non-judgmental friend, blogger, is here to comfort my dangerously vanishing self-esteem.
I am slowly becoming convinced that I have an "L" mark on my forehead that is visible only to certain persons. Even if I try my very best to be invisible, some people just want to use me as a sacrificial lamb meant specifically for mocking or target practice or entertainment...because it makes them feel good. The ultimate question is 'what did I ever do to these people?' Nothing. I never forced myself to be a part of anything. I was literally being shoved by, I don't know, fate(?) to certain situations.
Yesterday, a friend told me that there's a reason for everything...and that perhaps, I may not necessarily be the main character in the plot. That I am a tool. That didn't sound right...I am a tool. Peter O'Toole...sorry, could not help it. The thing is that I get exhausted. I really do.
I wish I could curl up like a defensive millipede. It's really taking a toll on my sanity.
9:00 AM
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