a little chipped but still whole

when you are negatively judged because you have certain things that other people desire, you learn to emotionally protect yourself by practicing some sort of poker face/ wednesday adams kind of demeanor.

when they deliberately tell you in your face that you don't deserve something for reasons including: you're ugly, you didn't deserve the thing, etc etc, you learn to become a piece of immovable rock that is programmed to smile and nod your head.

when, for years, people thought that you gave that something a hard time or was bad to that something....having no idea whatsoever of the truth, which you needed to protect otherwise the present wouldn't happen...you learn to repress everything and cry in your lonesome.

i never looked for that something.
i didn't pursue that something.
i didn't rub it in on anyone about that something.

and all people see is how, until now, i didn't deserve that something.

you know how damaging that is? very damaging. it leaves scars.

but you know what?
yes, i'm uglier than you.
yes, you and that something probably look good together.
but i have bad news for you: the universe is on my side.
why?

because i never made anyone feel ugly.
because i never paraded whatever i had to anybody.
because that something was treated in the best way possible all these years.
why do you think that something would stay in the first place?

so you can scream all you want and doodle on my picture or whatnot.
call me ugly.
but hey, whatever your hang ups are...i'm sorry for you.

good luck you all.
i've been hit with so many things, i'm calloused and numbed.
desensitized, actually.
hmmm...
now that i think about it, i'm more like rubber.
i only bounce back whatever you throw at me.
burn me and you're the bad guy for ruining the environment.

i am best left alone to do what i'm supposed to do.