wanting what is easy

 

Photo by Anna Tarazevich from Pexels

January isn't over and you think you're ready for December? Hypersensitive to any type of communication you receive in whatever medium? Somewhere around the middle of January, I was on edge...with some dregs still present to date. It could be post-vacation blues or the transition towards middle age grumpiness. This recent video by Fr. Mike Schmitz was a sort of virtual commiseration for me...I felt the same way during the peak of January's busy-ness when I couldn't catch up with tasks and messages and everything felt like a piece of hot coal being thrown at me. There was a point when I thought to myself "why does everyone want everything from me?" So obnoxious, I know. I actually ended up having to assert and advocate for myself (diplomatically) and I'm surprised that I didn't feel an ounce of guilt. I was utterly overwhelmed. As Fr. Mike mentioned in the video, it's likely because we want things to be easy. I want everything to be easy and quickly figure-out-able, you know? Sometimes or most of the time, my mind is just at capacity. There were occasions this month when I became so tired at the end of the day that my speech was almost slurred and my eyes needed to be pried open. 

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On Sunday, we went to a local breakfast place and I saw a man on the table in front of me and he was writing on white letter size copy paper using a fancy pen. He was wearing a black knitted sweater on top of a white collared shirt and there were two other fancy pens hooked on the right side of his sweater collar. He had chunky gold rings on his right ring finger and his left middle and ring fingers. The ring on his right hand looked like a wedding band. The chunky rings on his left hand looked like various college rings--probably one for each degree? I don't know. He looked like a stockier version of Phil Collins and St. John Paul II. Based on my sleuthing, he was making an exam or a math problem set. He would briefly stare into space and then write a number, a close parenthesis, then symbols. There was a page with a parabola. That man isn't taking things easy...he's completely analog. What a refreshing scene. He could have modified some problem sets online or from a text book, but no--he went the careful thinking route. His dedication is admirable. Thought to share that experience.