Unchangeable

 I have a bit of social awkwardness or slight shyness that comes off as snobbish or maldita (a negative Tagalog term meaning 'mean girl'). I think it's my mean-looking arched eyebrows. But really, I'm likely overthinking what I should say to an acquaintance or how to greet someone familiar who clearly recognized me. I just know that there is at least a 75% chance that when I open my mouth, I will end up saying "blargehbleergh sorry garghblarghblargh ok bye" so I just end up pretending I'm blind, deaf, and mute. Unfortunately, I'm not as friendly as my husband who's always ready to make small talk and is equipped with all the appropriate friendly words and gestures that I do not possess. I probably missed so many opportunities of great friendships, but hey, I am in my forties and have accepted how difficult it is for me to form long-lasting friendships in adulthood, because I think I've found my gut friends when I was younger and building relationships take effort. Or maybe I've experienced many negative interactions in my life that I've become more suspicious and closed off. Not to say that I've chosen to be unchangeable. I think when things are meant to be, those things come easy, seamlessly, and enhance one's quality of life as opposed to being cumbersome responsibilities.