another chance

 

Image by Betidraws from Pixabay

The past two weeks was a wake up call: vita brevis. After a routine procedure resulting in a vague yet concerning outcome, followed by further urgent diagnostic tests that miraculously resulted in good news--in the middle of it all, I was already catastrophizing in my mind. It was interesting that while I felt fear, there was a substantial part of me that felt acceptance. Like Oh, this is it. I didn't realize it was going to be this soon, yet I'm grateful. I mentioned many posts ago that I would sometimes maximize my senses during certain moments in order to experience being fully alive. I've decided to carry on with that practice as much as I could. Like this moment, I am in a quiet work area at a nice library during reading week (fewer university students) and currently listening to the track "All the Better For Her" from the original motion picture soundtrack of "Sense and Sensibility" (within the Spotify Playlist "Tea at Idlewild Cottage" by Julianna Lawson whom I discovered on Instagram and her podcast)--I am very grateful for this moment of health and peace. I initially booked a workspace from my building, but since we're affiliated with this academic institution, I thought of enhancing my work environment today. What a gift, eh? To be able to work. To have tasks to do.

My recommendation at this moment for you: if there is something that you don't like to go through and have experienced before--let's say acid reflux--and you don't have it at this very moment? Be grateful. Thank God. I did want to mention that on the days last week when I was waiting anxiously for confirmatory results, with surrender yet hope, I constantly prayed that if God wills it, I would be okay...but that God's will be done no matter what. I cannot tell you how many tears I shed nor can I clearly describe the roller coaster mixture of feelings of fear and acceptance that I went through, but the fact that my health is okay...that it was one of those rare occasions of false positives...my goodness, imagine the joy that my family felt. It was literally being given another chance. Another chance within the same single chance. We only have one life--a single chance to exist as we are at this moment, yet to be made aware of the invaluable time that we have on loan provides incredible clarity of what is important. So be kind to others and yourself. Life: what a gift.