compunctious

And the grapevine will always be the demise of people. Is it worth it to join the bandwagon? I think not. Being alone is occasionally less strenuous.

"...I ask myself whether frogs are so furtive,
or sneeze as they please.
Whether they whisper to each other in swamps about illegitimate frogs,
or the joys of amphibious living.
I ask myself if birds single out enemy birds,
or bulls gossip with bullocks before they go out in public with cows.
Even the roads have eyes and the parks their police.
Hotels spy on their guests,
windows name names,
canons and squadrons debark on missions to liquidate love.
All those ears and those jaws working incessantly...

(Poor Fellows, Il Postino, Pablo Neruda)

i concur with maya angelou

I keep on dying again.
Veins collapse, opening like the
Small fists of sleeping
Children.
Memory of old tombs,
Rotting flesh and worms do
Not convince me against
The challenge. The years
And cold defeat live deep in
Lines along my face.
They dull my eyes, yet
I keep on dying,
Because I love to live.

(The Lesson, Maya Angelou)

my fingers are furious

If my patience were an hourglass, it'd be on the verge of breaking into pieces.
Clearly, I am once again being deliberately weighed down and tested.
I shall put my armor of passive resistance.

Bring it on. I know karate. Well, not really.

the irksome pinprick of everyday life

...is a catankerous cutie-patootey, i'm-so-pretty-and-perfect-and-smart-and-you-are-just-dust-in-the-wind-and-you-worship-me narcissist that grasps on your leg like a blood-sucking dog tick from middle earth just because you look like you have a purpose in the ultimate evil masterplan. Meanwhile, I would much rather swim in my own putrefying remains than to be used as a temporary decoration on a ship commissioned by satan to annihilate the universe.

I want to be invisible again. It's more comfortable.

true

It's easier to say sorry than to ask for permission.

the fine line (cyber-soliloquy)

Emotions are overlapping Venn diagrams.
Sanity and insanity are intimately connected; so is the conscious with the subconscious.
Stress and anxiey.
Frugality and self-deprivation.
Pleasure and pain.
Martyrdom and masochism.
Fascination and obsession.

Like being on the border of two countries. Safe zone-unsafe zone.
You eventually choose one over the other--being fully aware of the consequences. But time is of the essence and there is no reset button in life. The choice must be instant.

The question is, am I living a life that's worth living when I'm constantly clinging on to the ropes of propriety and the familiar? Never even daring to peek outside into the unknown? Ninety nine percent of my senses tells me to stick to the current state of affairs, whereas a teeny 1% tells me to attempt to be uninhibited. Like taking that extra shot of tequila when you're on the brink of passing out. The point is, are you really going to pass out? Or was it just a speculation that was never tested and proven to be true?

And boy am I glad that 99% is very good in sounding the alarm. It's a deafening bombardment of a thousand bugles.

the energizer bunny

...has possessed me! In it's pink, furry, drum-carrying glory! Might I say that the Energizer bunny has impeccable timing. So it's all good.

what is the norm?

...because clearly, it's impossible to be "normal." It's more liberating to accept someone's individuality or peculiarities than to submit to the arbitrary norms of our fickle society (whether physical, intellectual, behavioral, etc). What really confuses me is why people look down on others who are seemingly different or odd. I find people who are surprisingly different as interesting and unique persons. Surprising is a good thing. It's refreshing.

wanted: grounding force

I'm not one who has been gifted with a life in which I got whatever I wanted. Almost always I'm in that so close, yet so far situation. I always compromised. It has been a normal thing for me to say "oh well, maybe next time."

And then there are rare instances when I actually get what I've always wanted...or experienced something I thought I would never experience...inexplicably--I get scared. Scared. Scared? Scared! Of what? I don't know. I just know I'm scared.

Maybe because it's not the status quo.
Maybe because I've accepted my ordinariness.
Maybe because I want my life to be simple.
Maybe because it's just plain scary...in an icy-cold-but-I-think-I-might-like-it sort of way.
Maybe because I might not like myself after liking it.

I don't know what the hell I'm talking about.

mega rant post

I am nuts.

1. I have a research paper that is due tomorrow.
2. I'm hyperacidic because of all the stress.
3. I have a lecture class tomorrow at 7AM.
4. Instead of mustering my extra strength in order to finish my damn paper, I opened my facebook account.
   

Tomorrow is incidentally my son's first day of summer school and I won't be able to accompany him.

5. I feel so guilty, it hurts.

Somebody give me a padded, windowless room. Somebody stroke my hair and give me a hug.

...It's technically tomorrow already.
:(

....I am so out of it that I had to edit this freaking post over and over.

summer haiku

evaporating
my thoughts are just like water
merging with the air



...duh