24 April 2023

Invictus

Today’s post is around the theme of ceaseless criticism. This Pinterest quote states, “Some people who flood others with their distasteful criticisms ironically cannot handle even just a drop of their own medicine.” When the sources of the aforementioned distasteful criticism should have otherwise been the sources of upliftment or motivation—there’s the rub. Putting it out there that the recipient of said distasteful criticism isn’t yours truly and suffice to say that fierce maternal loyalty was instinctually unleashed. Anyway, we shall keep mum, flip the emotion to that of compassion, and shower our spawn with overflowing love, affection, and motivation. Cut the intergenerational trauma. That doesn’t mean that we never correct nor discipline, because that is foundational. Throwback to a previous post: https://annaswhatnots.blogspot.com/2021/06/telegram-from-omniscient.html?m=1

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On a lighter note, I realized that I don’t have to endure excessively bitter caffeinated beverages to be the mysterious, grumpy woman I aspire to become (joke). As well, daily walks around the park/neighbourhood, drinking lots of plain water (more than caffeine), and those quick targeted exercises online have been mood-boosting. You’re probably saying “well, duh” 😄. My attempt to offset the negativity I wrote above.  I have updated a short playlist I called “Steady Stroll, which is in progress. There’s a nice song I just recently discovered called “Never gonna be alone” by Jacob Collier, Lizzy McAlpine, and John Mayer—it’s nice and reminds me of 90s R&B. Catharsis. Have a good evening. *curtsy*

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20 April 2023

Instant espresso and dubious stuff (updated)

One recent evening, at the end of having dinner at a restaurant with a friend of my late parents whom we have not seen for at least a decade, I decided to end my meal with a single espresso. Our party started stating their end-of-meal orders through my husband and I gently told him "could you order a single espresso?" Shortly, the waitstaff delivered the espresso which was accompanied by a small shot of sparkling water as a "palate cleanser". It was great.

During that weekend's grocery run, I purchased a cheap espresso cup and saucer set. I have a Nescafe instant espresso at home, which I usually drink like regular instant coffee. This time, I followed the instructions on the label on how to prepare an espresso--and I was thrilled! It tasted great for an instant espresso. In the future, when we have extra counter space and if I think I would need it, maybe a portable espresso maker would be nice to have. Come to think of it, I will never need it. It will never be a need. LOL. I'll park that thought in the interim. Next topic.

There is an exciting transition going on at work and our set-up continues to be hybrid. Although I see the many benefits of working from home, I am of that traditional mindset that the physical act of going to a different location for one's work is the explicit signal that work has commenced. That's the same with physically exiting one's place of work--it is the explicit signal that work has ended. Plus, there are many out-of-pocket things we fail to recognize when we are working from home including using one's own power source, internet/data connection, and sometimes working overtime pro bono. Don't you think? The real benefit comes up in cases of emergency, which is on occasion. There's a lot of self-direction involved and if one does not have self-mastery, workload could later become unmanageable. That is why going to an office is sort of an escape from the entire decision-making process. The decision has been made for you and if things are not going well, you have others to blame (not a noble motivation, huh?). Meanwhile, if one is mostly self-directed, the major object of one's frustration could only be one's self. But that's just me...today...at this moment. One tiny opinion relative to billions of other opinions. And my opinion is very variable. In relation to this, I occasionally use old libraries for my hybrid set-up. I cannot even describe to you how hyper focused I become when I work in these ancient locations, until my bladder tells me that I need to stand up and go to the nearest restroom. TMI. LOL. I make sure to pack up my stuff and/or secure my work paraphernalia. As a disclaimer, I am referring to ancient libraries from my alma mater that have access permissions for alumni or affiliated researchers—so I’m sure I’m connected to secure wireless fidelity. I love public libraries, but I will not connect to the internet there for work. That’s just me. Again, a tiny voice amidst a sea of opinions.

Also, on the topic of dubious stuff. I am still on the fence on what to do about what my mind is telling me regarding vague and coincidental circumstances. So, my response is--I do not know. Because that is the one thing I know. There is nothing wrong with protecting one's energy--in fact, it is essential. Whenever I long for something such as a goal or tangible thing, I pray to God that if it's not meant for me then it would be great if God could take away the desire for it. As an extreme example, something like the opportunity for early retirement at the age of 41 and travelling around the world without logistical and monetary concerns, I might pray: God, if it's not for me at this moment, please take away the aspiration for it. You know what I mean? Or maybe even, could you please enlighten me a little bit about your plans? A self-serving pre-emptive measure to ameliorate, if not eliminate hurt and disappointment. Random ruminations. Do not think much of it. Mind garbage, as I always say.

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(update)

It’s Friday and I wanted to raise my coffee cup to a good end of the week. Random postscript, I know. Spreading good cheer and good vibes this spring. 🌵🪴🌻 ☕️📚🖼️ ⛺️ Cheers



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14 April 2023

battery low

(update below)

It’s the end of the work week and I’m exhausted—burnout. My mental inventory tells me that this was a shorter work week coupled with less than the maximum tolerable amount of workload that I normally experience. Yet my breathing is slow and sigh-like as if I am about to go to bed at night. I literally Googled “It’s okay to rest on Friday” and saw this timely and serendipitous web post: https://holleygerth.com/okay-rest-really/. I read it and very much appreciated its message. It’s curious how despite the physical and empirical evidence of being tired, I still needed the confirmation that I should rest. As if the hustle culture has brainwashed me into associating nonconformity with fear of some uncertain outcome or imaginary repercussion. There is a famous inspirational pop song entitled “Lift Up Your Hands” with a scripture-inspired refrain that goes:

And He said, "Cast your burdens upon Me those who are heavily laden, 

Come to Me, all of you who are tired 

Of carrying heavy loads, 

For the yoke I will give you is easy 

And My burden is light, 

Come to Me and I will give you rest."

Kailangan natin magpahinga. We need to rest.

TGIF.


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Update:

It’s Saturday now and just wanted to recommend books (fiction, adventure, suspense, historical) by Daniel Silva: The Fallen Angel and The Order* (the only ones I’ve had my hands on thus far). I also recommend any book by James Rollins. Oh, and you know my secret to being noncommital and cost-effective in terms of books? The local public library! If you prefer paperback or hardbound over ebooks or audiobooks—they will surely have it! It requires a bit of patience, though, especially if a book is popular because there’s a lineup on holds but the good thing is that if you start reading a book and realize, “meh, not for me”, then you can just return it. Right? Then in that rare occasion when you discover that a book is your soulmate and you want to read it over and over, then you can choose to purchase your own copy either in physical form or ebook/audio form or both—whichever you like! 

Have a good weekend, folks!


*These Daniel Silva books may seem like unusual choices for a  Roman Catholic like myself—what with stories involving corruption and criminal activity in his fictional Vatican with an Israeli Mossad agent/art restorer (portrayed by Pedro Pascal with the bearing of Mando in my imagination) as the protagonist—I find these interesting. A reminder of the human frailty within the Church. I think that when people are given power and wealth regardless of circumstances, temptation can be blinding and actions are geared towards keeping power and wealth. Universal themes. 

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08 April 2023

Holy Saturday optimism (updated the title)

It is the final third of this year’s Paschal Triduum for Christian Catholics like myself—specifically, Black Saturday (the day after Good Friday when Jesus Christ died on the Cross). When I was still living in the Philippines, it was a bustling time of the year. For a nation with a vast majority of Roman Catholics (the most impactful remnant of over 3 centuries of Spanish colonial rule), there are cultural norms akin to a way of life.

For instance, Holy Thursday commences the Triduum and involves the Mass of the Last Supper including the washing of the feet. It was also a day dedicated to the Visita Iglesia, which involves travelling to several churches (7 or 14) to pray the 14 stations of the cross. Confessions were also held. I was telling my children that it became an opportunity for families to spend time with each other or an excuse for teenagers to hang out with their friends and go on an adventure (i.e. travelling to the churches on foot). When my mother was alive and me and my 3 younger siblings were in elementary school, she and my father would always arrange for a family excursion to churches out-of-town for our Visita Iglesia—we used to have an 80s Mitsubishi L300 van and the back stored so much food enough for a birthday party: pancit, rice, adobo, etc. Frankly, the food was my personal motivation hehe. 

Good Friday was a day of mourning, since it is a remembrance of Jesus Christ’s crucifixion and death. There were many old traditions including not taking a shower, not being loud (no boisterous laughing and such), not doing any type of work or manual labour including cleaning, and fasting and abstinence from meat for those who are of age and are not exempted for health reasons. In the Philippines, folks would attend a noon time service of a community stations of the cross followed by a short program on The 7 Last words. At 3pm, a solemn Good Friday mass was held which began by priests lying face down prostrate on the altar floor and involves a Gospel reading/re-telling of Jesus’s arrest and crucifixion, and individual veneration of the cross (queuing to take turns to genuflect—pre-COVID also involved kissing the corpus on the large crucifix), aside from the usual parts of the mass. 

Black Saturday, like today, is the anticipation of Jesus Christ’s Resurrection with a lengthy Easter Vigil mass late at night. In the Philippines, many people were involved in this service. It was like Christmas Eve service on steroids (in a good way). Mornings were spent preparing at church, choral rehearsals, altar servers and priests practising the sections of the mass, sound checks for readers, physical preparations, etc. The service begins with a blackout and a blessing of the fire outside the church then the lighting of the large Paschal candle (I remember the biblical words “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end…so much so that I included part of this passage in my master’s thesis acknowledgement with the statement “I thank the Lord God, who is the <capital Greek Alpha> and the <capital Greek Omega>, the beginning and the end, from Whom all things were made and without Whom I am nothing). Everyone in the congregation has a candle and the source of light is the Paschal candle. The first part of the vigil is in the dark and 7 sets of readings and psalms are heard. At the”Alleluia”, the lights are turned on, the purple cloths that covered the crucifix and images of Jesus are removed, all the bells are rung then festive singing with dancers takes place. Baptismal vows are renewed and persons who have newly converted to Catholicism are welcomed through baptism. You can imagine why this requires rehearsals. After the mass, everyone greets each other “Happy Easter!” and folks would sometimes go to a 24/7 restaurant to celebrate after midnight. If you were a teenager, it may even be the time that you could muster the courage to approach your crush and greet them a happy easter. Hah!

There is also the possibility of attending the Easter Sunday service the following day, though the Easter Vigil is considered the anticipated celebration of the Sunday mass. Either or both could be attended—based on my nonexpert, struggling Roman Catholic self. There are similarities to the Canadian celebrations in terms of the rubrics, and I appreciate the straightforwardness and no frills Paschal Triduum here. There are those who prefer the elaborate celebration of Easter and others who prefer quiet solemnity. I think I am both—whichever is accessible to me. When all my senses are engaged (I failed to mention the use of incense during these high holy celebrations), I almost have no choice but be in the present. I like it a lot. A forced slow motion.

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To conclude, I would like to quote this book I borrowed from the public library entitled “A short history of Christianity” by Geoffrey Blainey:

“Hebrews held the view that humans had an innate disposition to be sinful: they should be acutely conscious of their failings and should seek forgiveness. This sounds like a gloomy view of life but it was actually optimistic. The individuals who came to terms with their human nature could live in harmony with God, and feel deep comfort, peace and even joy.”

Happy Easter.

04 April 2023

wistful

 

Photo by cottonbro studio from Pexels 

My daughter has been constantly listening to music (One Direction, Taylor Swift) and I'm thrilled about it. It's nice to know that she's able to identify what interests her and recognize her tastes. For me, I just found out that John Mayer (JM) is on tour and unfortunately, I did not get to see him in concert a few days ago when he was in town. I simply had no idea, because I wasn't keeping up with events in general. I had the pleasure of seeing him live in 2019 and I certainly would like to see him live again. (Glad that there are snippets of his concert online, especially the talking bits) Many folks consider Continuum as their favourite JM album, but mine is his first one: Room for Squares--just because it was released around the time I was in university and it's very nostalgic. Also, I wanted to be able to play guitar the way he played guitar-- of course, I'll never be able to because I will remain a perennial amateur plus I do not have big hands to do all his Rachmaninoff-esque finger gymnastics abilities. 

This nostalgia or wistful longing for the past in terms of listening to certain songs for the first time or recalling how I would patiently wait for FM radio or music television (a.k.a. MTV) to play songs I liked, has compelled me to also revisit my admiration for The Beatles. I remember one birthday when I asked for the complete set of Beatles albums on cassette tape, which my wonderful parents bought for me--and I got a free poster and silk-screened T-shirt. I may or may not have posted about this story before, but there was one summer sometime in the late 80s-early 90s when a new TV station aired Beatles videos and interviews for about 1.5-2 hours (I've been Googling this but can't find it...either ABC-5, RPN-9, PTV-4...I don't remember which channel exactly) and I became I fan of the Fab Four. I became particularly fascinated with Paul McCartney and his left-handed bass playing (and cuteness, come on). Anyway, I've decided to curate my favourite songs here. How amazing is technology, eh? Music on demand. Whereas when I was young, I saved money to either buy stationery (pens, perfumed paper with envelopes) or blank cassette tapes so I can press the record and play button at the same time if a song I liked started to play on the radio. It's yesterday once more...


Update: John Mayer had a few unreleased songs or deep cuts during his tour and I’ve added clips like “Hotel Bathroom Song”, “In the Neighborhood”, and “I don’t miss you” (which is by JP Saxe; update: this single already exists on Spotify  https://spotify.link/7X6VEgUuOyb thanks to JM’s IG story!) in my curated playlist of favourite songs/music videos: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2wfslVJDE_A7G1oQ_mo75WPqWjia9KEW

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