Acceptance and dreaming

How’s the final stretch of 2022 going for you so far? For me and many, plans had to be rejigged due to challenging weather and health-related situations—some, I understand, are enduring the worst circumstances imaginable. Acceptance (forced) of the uncertainty. I’m posting today because I had a dream. A dream involving persons who are alive and those who have passed on. Whether or not you believe that dreams mean something—I think we shouldn’t disregard them. New age folks interpret them, Christianity includes biblical stories about Joseph the Dreamer and another important Joseph with whom an archangel appeared in a dream, etc. Unfortunately, my dreams aren’t as straightforward as I would’ve always liked them to be. I just know that either the person wants to say hello or needs something/prayers/support. Sometimes, I get what my dream means at a particular moment and whether it’s for a specific situation. I’m too old to be too black-and-white about how the physical laws of the universe operate. Not to say that I’m going to believe everything and can be easily brainwashed. It’s a balance of utilizing the things I know and the awareness of how very little that knowledge is compared to the things I do not know. The point of this post is, hello. 

sugarcoating

 

As advised by someone I spoke with earlier today, I treated myself to a cup of specialty coffee (a drink called Cafe Nordique, which I posted before) and a ginger cookie. My screenshot shows the piece of candied ginger as ornamentation on the sugarcoated, molasses-y cookie. It’s festive and comforting. What’s the occasion? Self-care and vacation time. 

I know that we can feel inflation all around, yet I am also aware that we only live once. Once in a while, I think it's okay to splurge. It’s a recurring theme that I write about—that we all deserve our little invaluable joys. 

What a challenging time to be alive, eh? I formally admit that I’ve sought help over a year ago and am going through the process of processing things. It's not news that I tend to close myself off on occasion. I also know that this tendency can be misconstrued by others. At this point in my life, I've become certain about whose opinions matter to me. Again, what other people think of us is none of our business (someone popular once said that). 

I don't find isolation fearsome, to be honest. That doesn't mean that I don't talk to my husband nor my children. Every night before we all go to bed, we say our night prayer together after which we take turns saying what we are grateful for about the day. You can imagine that there are many nights when we recite what we are grateful for by rote. I think that's okay. That's likely the reason why I mentioned that I don't find isolation fearsome. I suppose I'm referring to physical isolation. The fact is that knowing that I'm part of my nuclear family or a part of something...and that this belongingness gives me purpose--it is enough. At least that's my most authentic feeling right now.

On the topic of sugarcoating...why did I use that title? In the literal sense, it matches my blogpost image (lol). In the non-literal sense, it's useful to sugarcoat things especially when there is no benefit to brutal honesty. And no, there's nothing particular in mind that I'm thinking about that is around brutal honesty. I suppose a concrete example is the use of "therapeutic lying" to avoid escalation of challenging behaviours manifested by persons with dementia. I know "lying" is a pejorative term...let's use sugarcoating. For instance, when a person living with dementia whose partner has passed away a long time ago starts behaving agitated because he/she is getting impatient waiting for his/her partner to visit---one would try to use diversion or similar strategies to calm down the person. Maybe even say, "Oh, I heard that there is a traffic jam on highway 401 so your partner may just be delayed." This is because telling the person, "No, you're partner is dead and has been dead for over a decade" is probably the least helpful thing to say to that person at that particular moment especially when the person is agitated and you know that their memory is already impaired. I'm not an expert in dementia care so I won't even attempt to go into hypotheticals like I know what I'm talking about. 

So before the year ends, I wanted to say happy holidays. And that sugar is okay (unless you have a condition that prohibits it). Not too much. Just the right amount. A spoonful helps the medicine go down, as Mary Poppins once exhorted.

How lucky are we?

I was having lunch and couldn’t help but shake my head and say out loud “how lucky are we?” We received holiday gifts from friends and neighbours and the most recent one was a tray of freshly baked creamy macaroni. We just ordered pizza  when our neighbour sent us the baked mac tray. The pasta was mega delicious. I actually put it on top of my pizza…and that was when I blurted out my dramatic “how lucky are we?” statement. I know I sound odd, but how often do we feel this sense of overwhelming gratitude? The combination of being healthy, feeling secure, and experiencing such wonderful visceral satiety? Rare, right? There was the temptation to transition into a feeling of guilt (along the lines of not wanting to be to self-serving), but I didn’t. And I’m glad. I know that what I felt was beyond the superficiality of carbohydrate goodness. It was a rare moment of being alive and appreciating existence at that point in time. Oh boy, are we on a bout of pretentious existentialism and whipping up words like sugary frosting? Ooey gooey mixture of things that make sense with additional letters as ornaments. I think it’s appropriate. Happy holidays ☃️🍝

healing ointment

 

‘Tis the season of dry, cracked skin and seasonal affective disorder. Thanks to advanced technology and capitalism, there is a profusion of remedies in the form of balms, ointments, oils, tools, exercises, etc. to address winter-related issues.

Music is a balm. Feelings that are unleashed by music is therapeutic. Perhaps, sound across various frequencies is already therapeutic. I cannot distinguish white from brown noise, but I find those calming. I like the sound of a humidifier or air purifier or a fan. Even the sound of an airplane cabin—which you can actually find as relaxation videos online.

I have to admit that I haven’t been present lately. I have been trying my utmost best to be present and appreciative of the good things in my current situation. I honestly think that we’ve all been hyperstimulated by everything that’s been happening. A collective hyperstimulation. Some cope by avoidance and others may cope by focusing on others in a sort of schadenfreude (enjoying other people’s misery) extravaganza. I’m certain that there’s a variety of ways in which people cope and my two-group classification of coping isn’t exhaustive. I identify with the “avoidance” group. Blissfully unaware is beneficial in some respects.

Anyway, it’s almost vacation time. I am so into this season that my children find it funny (or make fun of me) that I play holiday tunes everyday. I’m totally fine with it. Oh, a crossing guard recently complimented my eldest’s crocheted beanie (it was in a chunky red yarn that I made) and told my son that he should be proud that it was made with love. Aaww. And the crossing guard suggested that I should sell them on Etsy. Hahaha! Nah.  It’s a hobby and I don’t want it to become an obligation. 

The moments in between

 I know that some of us celebrate our end-of-year “Spotify Wrapped” by sharing our automatically generated playlists to strangers on the interwebs with the assumption that everyone subscribes to Spotify. I have observed others who are apathetic and others who may even lean more spiteful or irritated. I understand the latter—especially if you feel that others are forcing their taste in music or streaming platform down your throat. Like the definition of what is cool is every artist or song you’ve never heard of nor enjoy. Or the alternative. I don’t think of it that way, though. I think that by sharing your playlists, it’s as if you’re letting others take a sneak peek of your mind’s essence (verbose lol). Of course, that’s the naivete in me. 

As many folks these days say, you do you. If certain songs make you happy and you feel a sense of pride sharing the music that you enjoy in those moments in between important day-to-day activities during this past year, go for it. Speaking of things that preface the end of the year: fruitcake…

Update: newly discovered artist (Rachael & Vilray) and holiday-apropos playlist [link]