it's the simple things

i find pleasure in the mundane. i love coffee & warm cheese sandwiches in the afternoon. i love sleeping in or having "pretend" conversations with my son or just watching spongebob squarepants late at night. right now, i super love the fact that it's a holiday and i haven't taken a shower yet or combed my hair or looked at the mirror!..and i particularly love the idea of throwing all of my cares away to enjoy doing nothing....and not thinking!

it's one of those abstract posts

There's so much negativity in this world. Today is a rather depressing day. When you are going on with your life normally and you have no adversaries, there are just some persons who love to poke you around with a trident and provoke you. And put you down. I suppose part of human behavior involves focusing on all the imperfections of others in order to derive self-esteem. I try not to be one of them...but I seem to be some sort of magnet for these people. Maybe because I'm challenging...I resist passively...I do not crumble in front of them. I do not join the "I'm better than you" game. It's unhealthy, it spreads cynicism and suspicion and selfishness.

I have become pathologically insecure. I would much rather be ignored than be constantly subjected to scrutiny and made aware of all my "not good enough" traits. You see, I've always admitted to be insignificant. I really do not understand the necessity of rubbing it in that I'm not a good enough parent, employee, person. That I am not physically at par with the minimum standards of aesthetics that this fickle society has created. But I find myself being consumed with these imperfections.

Perhaps, that's the reason why I don't have gut friends. I can only relate to others up to a certain level. I find solace in the impersonal and casual kinds of things. Because my senses have been heightened towards people who just love to find fault in whatever I do and my entire person. I really do want to go on with this life quietly...no more spectacular ambitions for me. Because I realized that the more you aspire for something and are capable of acquiring whatever it is, the heavier the resistance from people who are aiming for the same thing.

So now I step back. I do not want to be great. I just want to be ordinary...and do ordinary things extraordinarily well.

idiosyncrasies

...and the organizer added to the disorganization

death of an innocent

When I read the headline of today's paper, I tried to hold back my tears. I felt icy all over and angry that this sort of thing happened: an 11-year old girl hanged herself, because she couldn't bear her poverty-stricken life. What completely angered me was that when government officials were meeting at a hotel to discuss the poverty situation in the country, one member simply said that the girl's case is isolated after being informed of the tragedy by the media...and this portion of the story is found only in the written version of the Inquirer. You can view the abridged version using the link below.

http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/topstories/topstories/view_article.php?article_id=99479;

How dare we complain about our lives now?

snotrag-->brilliant!

I just borrowed James Joyce's Ulysses from the library in the hopes that I will become "well read." After all, it's supposed to be the greatest novel of the 20th century. It's as thick as the 4th Harry Potter book (hehe) and I tried to brace myself when I began reading it, expecting to be bored out of my wits.

But lo and behold! It's hella vulgar and imaginative and very very Irish! Hehehe. I'm enjoying it actually. So that's why it's a masterpiece....I never thought that it was possible to use as many words from the dictionary to describe ordinary things! I think that's the brilliance of the book...it's supposed to depict one typical day in Dublin in a flowery manner. Kind of like a written version of Scrubs/Ally McBeal/Family Guy where there's always a side clip.

I just finished reading 1 whole page of Leopold Bloom losing his bowels in an outhouse and using a torn portion of the newspaper he was reading to wipe himself. See, you could summarize that entire page in one sentence but James Joyce prefers to make it exciting and humorous! I'm still in the very first part of the book so there's more to come. Read it, it's mind altering.

Current favorite Ulysses terms:
snotrag = handkerchief
photo girl: snapshot, brief encounter = a fling or maybe a one-night stand

what dreams may come

I'm a dreamer...who isn't? I've been having vivid dreams lately and my curiosity about the relevance of dreams compelled me to google the word dream. Based on my...uh, research, dreaming is mass hallucination. I love it! Mass hallucination! Fabulous fabulous way to define it.

Anyway, dreams are supposed to tell you something about your deepest and most concealed feelings towards a person, event, whatever. Some people say that they're sure that they had a dream but forgot about it the moment they woke up. Others claim that seeing dreams in black and white or color means something.

I won't reveal my dreams, but essentially they all mean that I'm seeking spiritual fulfillment. And I thought dreams provide a glimpse of what is to come. Oh well. But I already know that I'm trying to satisfy my spiritual hunger....that's not a very deep and concealed feeling! It's not a whoah thing...I mean, of course it's whoah deep but...you know.

I suppose I was expecting my dreams to be prophetic or deja-vu-ish. You know. Hehehe. I'm a dork.

Limerick fixation

1) From online--Not so funny....just because I saw 'Anna' on it

Now Bob had his eyes on this gal in Rome

But his folks always kept this young stallion home

This girl, they called Anna

Like Bob, wore bandanas,

That's why she became his good palindrome!

2) By Edward Lear--To be read aloud with a British accent

There was an Old Person of Buda,

Whose conduct grew ruder and ruder;

Till at last, with a hammer,

They silenced his clamour,

By smashing that Person of Buda.

3) An original from yours truly

One time I went to the mall

To buy myself a rather huge ball

I then changed my mind

And fin'lly decided

Why not buy the entire mall

- Paris Hilton

Practice practice practice!