deliberately drowning the previous post

"Babyfood" by Julian Beever

mundane morbid thoughts

Being in my mid-twenties, it would seem inappropriate to start thinking about possible causes of death. Earlier today, my colleagues and I were discussing each other's predisposition to all types of cancers, diabetes, hypertension, etc etc. Death has been a huge influence on my teenage life that it's a topic that I just can't set aside or take for granted. When my mother died of cancer (brain metastasis) when I was 17 years old, I instantly became an adult. I mean literally, I matured...I think. What normally made me squirm prior to that event suddenly wasn't a big deal anymore.

My mother was incredibly smart and witty. She came from a somewhat poor, broken family but she wasn't the 'woe is me' type. She got through university and law school through scholarships and graduated with high honors. I used to think that knowledge is something that nobody can take away from you. And then oops, uh, brain tumor. Right at that spot in-charge of cognition.

That would really be painful--to die without being self-aware. To completely forget yourself. Well, not really painful personally but painful to everyone else. It would suck.

--> How annoying is this post? I try to avoid talking about death because I don't want to end up like Heath Ledger and sound prophetic or what. Knock on wood, I beg you, knock on wood! Argh!

I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!!!!!!

It's 9:47am and my day is official ruined! Ruined, ruined, ruined. Oh well. Maybe I'll still watch CSI--or maybe not. I have no idea.

it's acting up againnnnnn

...the ganglion cyst on my right wrist!

And since this is another rant post, I might as well continue:
1) I'm in denial that my vision is getting even more blurred
2) No matter how often I dye my hair, some grays will always escape and remind me that I'm getting old
3) I need to buy a new pair of shoes so that I can rest my other 2 pairs of shoes. My hyperhydrosis might eventually disintegrate them. Ack. The problem: I hate shoe shopping! Finding flat, comfortable, affordable shoes is hard!

What keeps me sane:
1) Singing Barney's "I love you" with my son
2) Carbo-loading with my husband
3) Learning stuf
4) Sleep

My not so immediate resolution: to see an orthopedic surgeon and get rid of the ganglion cyst once and for all.