For leisure

'Idleness in this sense does not mean inactivity, but instead nonproductive activity. “Leisureliness,” says Daniel Dustin of the University of Utah, “refers to a pace of life that is not governed by the clock.' (Headlee, Celeste (2022). Do Nothing: How to Break Away from Overworking, Overdoing, and Underliving. Harmony Books, p.xix)

How I've been trying to ameliorate the feeling of being overwhelmed is by borrowing books and magazines that are meant for leisure from libraries. We're talking about a variety of magazines like Cosmopolitan, Hello, Scientific American, Wired, or Consumer Reports; books like an atlas, The Magical World of the LOTR, or the book I just quoted above. An equally important part of the borrowing aspect is the act of walking from one library to another. That's not a surprise to you, because I've written about it before. 

My eldest currently has an affinity for libraries in terms of his program of study and part-time occupation. I'm immensely proud of that. He also just recently returned from an esteemed university in England for a summer course on Shakespeare. They weren't allowed to use devices in many of their sessions. And he was able to visit The Bod Old library! I'm super proud! I'm equally proud of my other children who also have their own different interests in the humanities. Libraries are all around you! You can borrow anything for free! Support your local library...including your nearby university library that likely offers public patron options. 

My eldest gave me this tote after he came back from his trip!

Tight-knit

The last time I mentioned the show Criminal Minds was in 2009 and one of my posts that year was entitled enumeration and I literally enumerated quotes from several episodes that stuck with me. We just rewatched seasons 1-5 and we're currently on season 6. It's impressive that the show is now in its 19th season. Thus far, I've added these two quotes to my list of impactful quotes, especially since these currently ring true for me:

"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn."-- Spoken by JJ (Jennifer Jareau) at the end of Season 5, Episode 13 ("Risky Business")

"Poet Haniel Long said, ‘So much of what is best in us is bound up in our love of family, that it remains the measure of our stability because it measures our sense of loyalty.’"-- Spoken by Hotch (Aaron Hotchner) at the end of Season 5, Episode 9 ("100")

I'm writing this just a few hours after watching The Odyssey, which I liked very much. I wouldn't say I enjoyed it in the "oh it was so entertaining" sense. I liked the storytelling and the mini emotional odyssey I went through. I think the two quotes above can be connected to the message that I took home from watching the film. It's as if the TV show we are watching and the film we just watched is the current real life anthem. 

Another interesting connection that I just thought of right now is how both Criminal Minds and The Odyssey have female characters with traits that I'd like to emulate, and they have the same name: Penelope. In 2008, I wrote about how I thought Penelope Garcia (this is the blog post) was so cool and smart that I wanted to learn how to code. Almost twenty years later, I code daily for work--a different programming language, but that's a big part of my current occupation. The other Penelope--the wife of Odysseus--is a woman of strength, courage, intelligence, and incomparable loyalty. She was full of love for her husband and son, and this was intertwined with her love and sense of duty to Ithaca. What amazing fictional women. 
Life is tough. Sometimes, there are those who deliberately make it tough for others primarily for self-interest...sometimes their own survival. 

"All through history, there have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time they can seem invincible, but in the end they always fall, always. (Gandhi)"-- Spoken by Aaron Hotchner at the end of Season 2 episode 9 

"Be on your guard! If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. And if he wrongs you seven times in one day and returns to you seven times saying, 'I am sorry,' you should forgive him." -- Luke 17:3–4 

Autoreplies are on

I'm on vacation in the next few days, but I woke up too early this morning. It's still way too early to do anything at this lakeside location, so I've decided that I will take a morning siesta about 2 hours post-dawn breakfast since everyone's still asleep anyway. I could take a walk by the lake, but why spend this energy now when I can go all out later? So here I am, writing on my old, home button-equipped mobile phone, with my eyes progressively becoming heavy. The point of this post is to encourage you to listen to your body. If you ever feel guilty for resting, turn that imaginary volume control knob to the lowest setting and maybe turn it all the way until you hear that click signifying it's off. Close your eyes and drift to dreamland...or as I prefer it, no-dreamland-REM-deep-sleep-cycling nirvana. Here's REM's Daysleeper for inspiration: https://youtu.be/uUcKeKt8C1k?si=pssmq_yWav8EwvAn

Antilibrary

I just checked out two books from Robarts Library for leisure. I hope I end up liking and finishing at least one of them. Currently, as I write these words, I have a Margaret Atwood book open in my Kindle app, and a browser tab containing Pope Leo XIV's first encyclical, "On Safeguarding the Human Person in the Time of Artificial Intelligence." I have Monday off, so this qualifies as a form of hoarding...of reading intentions. Honestly, I have a lot of chores and other things to do so realistically, I won't be able to finish any of them this weekend. I enjoy having these physical and virtual books around me, and I'll enjoy the feeling of the possibility of reading.

A fun fact is that a collection of books that one possesses is termed an antilibrary, which was popularized by the writer (and fellow statistician) Nassim Nicholas Taleb (Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Antilibrary). Taleb further states that the those who are interested in antilibraries can be referred to as antischolars.

Head over heels for power outlets

 
Entrance to Emmanuel College Library, University of Toronto

     I took the photo above a few days ago when I went to that location. My workload during this part of the year is unusually full and I became slightly ill during the latter part of this week, and thanks to loads of warm drinks including commercial and my own versions of honey citrus mint tea, I recovered quickly. 
     Going back to Emmanuel College Library, I saw it featured by a girl named Bela in her video on libraries [YouTube video link]. I have to say I go to all of those libraries she featured in that video with the second one being my ultimate go-to. I only recently found out from an Instagram post by the handle historyhypegirl [link to that post I saw] that this library is where Tears for Fears filmed their Head over Heels music video. I thought that it was such a fun fact. My only gripe about this library is that there aren't a lot of power outlets where the desks are. I have to remind myself that when these libraries were built, people didn't use electronic devices so I understand that. But still, you know where I'm coming from right? Or maybe I've gotten used to having a dedicated power outlet for a library carrel or desk, including desks that have USB-A and USB-C options. I've become entitled in that regard. 
     On a semi-related topic, whenever I park myself at a library desk, I frequently get asked by girls adjacent to me if I could look after their laptop and things if they need to go to the washroom or get snacks. I feel flattered, like as if I'm this nurturing presence that can be trusted to protect one's things.
     I'll end this post with the original Tears for Fears music video of Head over heels and a fun parody that I found online. Cheers...Tears for Fears!

Further self-examination

I just saw a short clip of Amy Poehler and Claire Danes where they mentioned that they have the same enneagram: 8. So I became curious and tried to find out mine: 5. Last week, I determined my dominant female archetype(s): a tie across lover, creator, and mystic. I already knew since years ago that my personality is INFJ. So, I then took the short form of the Big Five IPIP test which is scientifically validated. The comprehensive report can be summarized as extroversion=low, agreeableness=average, conscientiousness=high, neuroticism=average, openness to experience=high. I fed all this information to a chatbot that also stated that I'm strongly melancholic-phlegmatic in temperament. Furthermore, aforementioned chatbot provided the following summary: introverted by energy (not shy), high in inner structure and responsibility, emotionally deep but contained, ethical not sentimental, creative inwardly cautious outwardly, anxious in anticipation calm in action. That I favor preparation over participation, understanding over exposure, control over momentum. I'm studying this as an iteration of a self-analysis based on additional data. There are consistencies...objectively. Subjectively, I have doubts or maybe I disagree?  

I tried to continue a diary, where my last entry was in 2010. I browsed some pages and was certain that I was a completely different person then. In fact, one entry that involved 3 pages was so bad and unnecessary, I tore it to pieces and dumped it in the garbage. It was an unhelpful entry that nobody else, not even myself, should read nor recall. That's an example in which I'm not sentimental. Our prime minister recently stated in a very important speech that nostalgia is not strategy. Further, chatbot proposed that my internal rule is "If it's complete, it doesn't need to be preserved." That it's not cold, it's clean. Hmm, I don't know how I feel about that. So I prompted the chatbot, "like a Vulcan, eh?", to which the chatbot disagreed. It then went on a verbose oration that included the following: "Emotion honored, but subordinated...emotional, with logical sovereignty...a Vulcan with a rich inner life." *opens my imaginary Regency period fan, covers the bottom part of my face and starts gently fanning*, well that's the kind of flattering words I like to hear. Well done me and my effective prompts. Hah! 

Water and warmth

The first month of the year hasn't ended yet and I'm feeling fatigued. I attribute it to the depressing and bitterly cold weather, and it's threatening to get even colder. A quiet, summer lakeside getaway without an itinerary sounds fantastic. Just my family, some cooking, sunrises and sunsets, a body of water, and a whole lot of quiet nature. No pressure, private, and uninfluenced. That's enough motivation for me.

A quarter of this century already?

Where has time gone? I think that my perspective of time is wildly distorted because of the speed in which technology developed and continues to develop during my lifetime. I feel that 1975 to 2000 was a bigger interval compared to 2000 to 2025. Maybe it's the illusion given by 19xx compared to 20xx? Additionally, I feel ironic. I'm old yet I'm young. For the 1975-2000 era, I'm surely old...but in the current 2000-2025 era, I'm still young-ish? Maybe it's how I'm aging during a time of impactful medical discoveries so that while I'm aging, life expectancy is also being prolonged? And I have this ongoing internal conflict about presence and anonymity, whereby I'm constantly trying to be in that sweet spot of protecting my valuable privacy, but at the same time maintain a digital presence to also preserve my identity and credibility. 

I initially started to write this blogpost a few days ago while at a USPS office somewhere in the garden state to accompany family for an appointment, but decided to delete the draft because I was distracted and forgot the point of what I meant to post (I'm back home now). I remember that I was about to embed a Youtube video of a rendition of Please Mister Postman. I like that song, especially the versions by the Carpenters and the Beatles. But wouldn't it be weird to just randomly post that song without meaningful context? Oh you think it's fine? I suppose you're right. It IS the season of Spotify Wrapped, after all. Speaking of which, my top song was a gregorian chant, my top album was a film soundtrack, my topmost artists were John Barry, Hans Zimmer, and John Mayer, and my listening age is 60. Suffice to say that my auditory interests have become idiosyncratic and lean towards more melody and fewer words. Maybe that's just a 2025 thing. Visual arts-wise (most recent), I thoroughly enjoyed the newest Knives Out film. I saw the Dan Brown inspired Inferno film and rewatched The Deathly Hallows 2 and Wrath of the Titans, because those were cool films. Current order of business before the year ends? Read a book or two. We'll see. 

side eye-ing the universe

 As the lunchtime celebration I attended earlier today was about to end, a large tray of fortune cookies was served. I grabbed one at the edge of the pile and got this:

Although random and surely inconsequential, it's nice to feel like I'm interesting even if in a fictional sense. I thought about being some person with some relevant insights about some particular topic and people would like to better understand why I think a particular way about that specific topic. This self-aggrandizement must cease right after I end this sentence. Why? Because I just recalled the final statement in today's Gospel reading from Luke 18:14 that states "...for whoever exalts himself will be humbled, but whoever humbles himself will be exalted." Whether the self-promotion truly ceased is debatable, because I still posted about it. Huh.

"Lead, Kindly Light."

My Thursday involved back-to-back meetings and I was relieved by lunchtime when I was able to spend part of it in quiet meditation and then mass. The priest quoted part of St. John Henry Newman's poem, and I'm sharing it here below:

Lead, Kindly Light, amid the encircling gloom,

Lead Thou me on;

The night is dark, and I am far from home,

Lead Thou me on.

Keep Thou my feet;

I do not ask to see the distant scene;

one step enough for me.

Burnout is imminent. Are you in that zone too? If yes, let us acknowledge our exhaustion and rest our minds for a while from thinking about our bottomless to-do lists. I just had a small bite-sized Cadbury fruit and nut chocolate bar as a treat. That may be my favorite chocolate (or among my topmost), mainly because I remember that my late mother liked it (aside from Nestle Crunch, which I may have written about before). It's delicious, of course, but I like that when I consume it, I'm sort of sending a silent shoutout to my mother. She was intelligent, beautiful, feisty, funny, humble, and a really good mother. I feared her, but I depended on her. I just had my birthday on the Feast of St. Thérèse of Lisieux and I've officially outlived my mother. I realized just how young she was when she passed--a temporal landmark for me. I feel that I'm currently experiencing a milestone in life. I didn't have a huge celebration, but we did get Japanese takeout and a panna cotta cake from this French bakery that I've been curious to try. Unfortunately, said cake taught me that dairy sensitivity can be developed later in life. I digress. Oh, in birthday-related news, my husband and I gifted ourselves with musical instruments during the recent Long & McQuade used equipment sale. My husband's birthday preceded mine by a month and he was really planning on getting that acoustic bass for quite some time. The classical guitar I got is an impulse purchase triggered by midlife crisis. 

That's it for today's rambling about Life. Now that I'm at this temporal landmark, I'm grateful to see as far as the next step. I do not ask to see the distant scene; one step enough for me.

What's in the light box (updated!)

Image Source

I wonder what's it like to be at the Toronto International Film Festival (TIFF) Light Box? Last weekend, I saw on the official TIFF IG that there are promotional booths--even coffee? Would 30-40mins be sufficient to briefly explore, say on a Monday? Why am I asking the etherwebs (Get it? Ether: Air, Webs: short for Interweb or Internet)? This is a continuation of my last post and I am bracing myself during this calm before the storm at work. So how's Hospital Row? I had to return a super heavy textbook that I borrowed from our centre's library. A nice conducive nook on the nth floor. Here I am just releasing a big shout in a huge cave, waiting to see of the echo goes somewhere and eventually nowhere. I will let the weather decide for me. Have a good rest of the week, cyber people.

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Update: I got merch!

Incredible difference in the atmosphere between the whole north side of Queen St. and south of it all the way to the festival area. The weather was nice today so the lunch break walk was comfortable--slightly warm when the sun hits. I chanced upon a pop-up store of festival merchandise that is adjacent to the Princess of Wales Theatre where there were a few cameras, lanyard-wearing official people, patrons wearing their own VIP lanyards, and some large heavily tinted SUVs and vehicles around. I think I faded well into the hustle and bustle. I'm glad I had my TIFF membership card on my e-wallet, which was required for any purchase, and I got the gray hat I am flexing above. It was on display and the last piece of that particular design. The girl at the counter said that they may have more on their main store (I do not know where it was). 

Honestly, I don't know anything about the layout of the festival. I was hoping to find the Lavazza stall I saw online. I did see a bunch of other nice eating spots, but I only designated a few minutes for myself before heading back north. Fortunately, now I know where the Scotiabank Theatre is, because that's where I'll be this weekend. How exciting!

I learned about TIFF from a more senior colleague who retired a few years ago. She loved films and was likely a higher-tier member. I didn't understand the concept at that time, and I still don't. I suppose it's like being a member of a scientific community and the annual meeting is the festival. The programming is very much like a conference where multiple films are like parallel sessions. In time, I will better understand. 

Productivity in Movement

I'm currently listening to the soundtrack of the film Out of Africa, which I have never seen! I saw an Instagram post by Classic FM where presenters mentioned their favourite music for concentration, and a presenter raved about how in university she would be able to finish so much work whenever she listened to the full Out of Africa album. I've listened to the full soundtrack a few times and have been able to get a lot of work done.

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Because it's warmer, I have been taking lots of walks and going to various libraries and have found myself to be very productive and happy. My workplace boasts multiple libraries, and I have enjoyed working in two locations. The physical book collections aren't exhaustive (at least for my specific field) and so I recently requested extended privileges at the university we are affiliated with (literally got approved today). I explored a library a little farther than where I usually trek (though only a kilometer away) and I found myself trying to suppress a super wide grin. I feel lucky and I am grateful.

Rested and alert

Yesterday, I attended a work-sponsored webinar on restful sleep and discovered a few strategies to combat poor quality sleep. For example, if your mind is racing and have difficulty falling asleep, try to write down your thoughts as a way of unloading your brain. The speaker raved about camping pillows and how it could be comfortable as an alternative to regular pillows. Other things discussed during the talk, like avoiding caffeine at least 4 hours before going to bed (or ideally after 12 noon) and not looking at screens half an hour before going to sleep, seem like common advice even though majority of us don't always apply these habits. 

I've recently tried my best to avoid caffeine and electronics before bed and can attest to having a better disposition the following day. I've written about sleep before, but I cannot rave enough about the benefits of having a good night's sleep. It sets me up for success the following day. And by success, I mean fully functional, motivated, no drastic mid-day sluggishness, more understanding, less irritable, happy; wherein coffee is consumed for pleasure as opposed to serving as a fuel source. 

Sometime between my last post and today, there was a high pressure work-related situation. To make light of things, I mentioned something along the lines of 'alright, this is achievable--I just need caffeine on IV.' Of course, I was kidding. I thought that my colleagues would just brush it off as a trivial joke. I have received one complimentary coffee thus far. And this free coffee wasn't even a coffee-and-a-sit-down-work-chat type of thing. It was literally grab-a-mobile-order at the coffee shop in the lobby, followed by a discussion while walking towards the elevators, the clinics, then bye bye. That's how work looks like with these highly functional folks. For context, this is one of many groups I work with in an interprofessional setting. I can obviously get my own coffee, but it's a nice symbolic gesture of mutual professional respect.

Going back to the topic of sleep. The webinar mentioned coffee naps that are maximized during the mid-afternoon slump at around 1-3pm. That is, you drink your coffee then take about a 20-minute nap so that when the caffeine kicks in you are both rested and alert. There seems to be science behind it, so that might be something we can look into and practice.

If you want to reduce your stress (or help you fall asleep), you may opt to listen to the album embedded below. A study on the first track (the first 4 minutes) by Shepherd et al., 2022 [link] concluded that '...overall “Weightless” was not as effective as the monaural 6-Hz beats in reducing physiological arousal...it can be argued that “Weightless” has potential utility as a relaxant in systematic desensitization techniques, and as a general relaxant as stress-reducing intervention in its own right.'

when it is ad hominem, dispose as refuse

 I wish I could find this internet thing that says something about wishing for a break from historical human events. Like Friendster, MySpace, and Facebook, I have deactivated my Twitter account--after 15 years. It has become filled with bots and trolls and has decreased in trustworthiness. It has become a space of anarchy and utter disrespect. And the strategy of mass repetition of a statement or certain statements is obviously a form of conditioning--like hypnotism. New age folks could describe it as filled with dark energy, and I could only describe it as diabolical...filled with demons. (YouTube is becoming the same...the political ads and comments)

I just grabbed a copy of C.S. Lewis's 'The Screwtape Letters' (published in 1942) where Screwtape, "...a senior tempter in the service of 'Our Father Below'," corresponds with his nephew Wormwood, "...a novice demon in charge of securing the damnation of an ordinary young man." In one of his letters, Screwtape advises Wormwood: "Let him begin by treating the Patriotism or the Pacifism as a part of his religion. Then let him, under the influence of partisan spirit, come to regard it as the most important part. Then quietly and gradually nurse him on to the stage at which the religion becomes merely part of the 'cause', in which Christianity is valued chiefly in favour of the British war-effort or of Pacifism...Once you have made the World an end, and faith a means, you have almost won your man, and it makes very little difference what kind of worldly end he is pursuing. Provided that meetings, pamphlets, policies, movements, causes, and crusades, matter more to him than prayers and sacraments and charity, he is ours--and the more 'religious' (on these terms) the more securely ours. I could show you a pretty cageful down here..."

Cue this famous children's rhyme: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words shall never hurt me." 

We have to be careful, friends. It's Lent and I am struggling mentally and spiritually. My tendency to harbour a certain amount of anger and ill-will as a result of exposure to noisy information is among the many things I need to pray for. Compels mortification.

When my father was alive, his work later became associated with an authoritarian. At that time, my father's brilliance and behind-the-scenes efforts contributed to the unfortunate rise of this aforementioned figure. He alreay had terminal stage cancer then, but probably felt that he needed to achieve this goal. We supported his cause. Some of my peers had doubts, but since we vouched for this figure (but I did not vote due to geography), then they indicated support. A year later, my father succumbed to his affliction. A terrible political milieu followed and continues to occur even after new leadership. The thing is, to others, I have already been associated with these set of events. My father didn't experience (and likely didn't expect) the degree of negative (terrible) turn out that happened after his death. What a field day for anyone who didn't (and still don't) like me, eh? 

Let's examine ourselves. Is there something or someone that just rubs us the wrong way? We have no direct connection to this thing or this person, but we're just repelled? Maybe because this thing or person represents the opposite of how we identify ourselves. Then schadenfreude. Anything that reduces this thing or humiliates this person, (whether secretly or overtly) elates us? Yes to all questions? We have to hit the brakes, before we spiral into a never ending and vicious cycle of judgment and disdain. Next thing we know, we just added a potential winning point for the enemy below. A point for team Screwtape and Wormwood.

It's tricky. Everyday and every second. Let's ask for help. Let's help ourselves. God help us. God help me. Kyrie eleison. There are terrible external threats to our souls, but one insidious enemy that we have to be aware of is our own self-sabotaging tendencies. 

We can do this. 

Fruity, floral, sweet, and savory

I made these delicious stuff.

I have re-fixated on fragrances again; a rekindling of what I had during this post https://annaswhatnots.blogspot.com/2022/06/olfaction-reprise.html. Interestingly, I still have some of the Fico di Amalfi cologne by Acqua di Parma, which is more appropriate during warmer weather. Not wearing it today. Today is literally a snow day and the roads have only been plowed in the past few hours. 
I am just about to wrap up my day and thought that it would be nice to write something on the topic of scents, tastes...the senses. So I grabbed my copy of Diane Ackerman's "A Natural History of the Senses" and tried to find nice little passages that I can share with you. 

On Smell (p. 62): This scent obsession started long before. The first gift to the Christ Child was incense and, in the eleventh century, Edward the Confessor presented Westminster Abbey with a sacred and surprisingly imperishable relic--some of the original frankincense carried by the Magi...Perfumes have obsessed every culture and religion...

On Taste (p. 127): The other senses may be enjoyed in all their beauty when one is alone, but taste is largely social. Humans rarely choose to dine in solitude, and food has a powerful social component...Throughout the world, the stratagems of business take place over meals; weddings end with a feast; friends reunite at celebratory dinners; children herald their birthdays with ice cream and cake; religious ceremonies offer food in fear, homage, and sacrifice; wayfarers are welcomed with a meal.

On Vision (p. 278) Unbeautiful things often delight our eyes, too. Gargoyles, glitz, intense slabs of color, organized tricks of light. Sparklers and fireworks are almost painful to watch, but we call them beautiful...Our sense of wonder ignites... 

I haven't read this book from cover to cover yet I like it a lot when I discover and learn new things each time I grab it and read a brief section. That's one thing I've decided to do--relieve myself of the pressure of having to finish a book for leisure in one go and allow myself to pause and read something else when the mood strikes. 

Circling back to fragrance, this fascination was jumpstarted during the recent holidays when my younger sister gifted me with a really nice smelling vanilla and musky perfume called Angham by the brand Lattafa and this large bottle of Vanilla Cashmere lotion by EOS. At the moment, I am wearing this perfume called Skin by the brand Clean Reserve that has notes of musk, salt, praline, tonka bean, and leather (according to the internet). The only note I know is salt and not as a smell, but a taste. I just know that it's an at-home-just-took-a-shower-and-I'm-in-my-pajamas type of scent. I like the uniqueness and silence of it. Silence, meaning, it's inoffensive. 

I also found an old fragrance that I used to wear a lot that my husband likes called Eclat d'Arpege by Lanvin. It's much more affordable now compared to years ago when it was just released. I also just found out that the woman who designed the scent is still making perfumes for other fragrance houses. It's a fruity floral perfume with lilac. I think the lilac is the smell that stands out, but it is also inoffensive. I enjoy fruity and floral perfumes that enhance my mood like Nectarine Blossom and Honey by Jo Malone, Seville Orange by Nest New York, or Miss Dior Blooming Bouquet. The folks around me aren't very impressed with those scents--but I find myself feeling uplifted when I smell my wrist or the crook of my elbow. A great little sensory break during the day when I'm toiling away at work. I think that's why I gravitate towards certain scents. If a smell makes me feel great  (like a café, bakery, or freshly baked homemade bread), then I like it. And before you start thinking that I splurged serious cash on perfumes recently, I only got a full bottle of Eclat--the rest are either samples or travel sized.

So what smells, whether natural or synthetic, enhance your mood? If something comes to mind, I say smell it now and be momentarily uplifted. Your brain will thank you for the little TLC.

Some ways to live better

 I began writing this post while waiting at the venue where my children were having their winter extracurricular sports activity. Ambient sounds included conversations between parents and children who had just finished with their gymnastics, swimming, music, or multisport session, or parents doing flexible remote work on some corner of the centre. What a unique experience! I situated myself at a spot where I placed two chairs with all of our belongings. I had just taken a sip of decaf coffee that I brought with me in a coffee tumbler--that thing I did for myself earlier today while preparing for this parental waiting situation so that I had something to look forward to once the kids are in their activity.
I also brought with me a copy of Og Mandino's "A Better Way to Live" that my father used to own and that I posted about over a year ago <link>. On page 64, it states:

"Always reward your long hours of labor and toil in the very best way, surrounded by your family. Nurture their love carefully, remembering that your children need models, not critics, and your progress will hasten when you constantly strive to present your best side to your children. And even if you have failed at all else in the eyes of the world, if you have a loving family, you are a success."

What a nice passage to read while in this circumstance.

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In other domestic-related news, I have successfully made my first eggless tiramisu. One of my sisters make excellent tiramisu, and we enjoyed it over the recent holidays. I asked for her recipe, but I cut corners and used lazy mom alternative ingredients, and it still turned out okay. I made a large container and two small containers that lasted about 72 hours. On the topic of tiramisu, my other sister introduced to us this viral song called "Tiramisu Cake" <link> by a Korean band and it apparently created some dance craze in Asia. I now have a fondness for mascarpone cheese, which I consume in the morning with a mixed berry jam on a piece of toast. Couple that with good brewed black coffee and I feel like I can face any manic Monday like a pro.

To close this post centered on ordinary home life, below is a scene from the film "Kate and Leopold" featuring mascarpone. Enjoy the weekend, folks.

Our place in the scheme of things

Merry Christmas! I'm writing this from the garden state as a visitor in a town that literally includes the word holly. I was moved by the Christmas Mass homily I heard [link], with the local priest recalling his personal experience as a teen during midnight mass on Christmas Eve of 1968 and how at the same time, a monumental event was happening with the three men orbiting the moon on Apollo 8. Wishing everyone a meaningful Christmas and a bright New Year.

[P.S. the day after] I gifted myself a John Mayer concert shirt and a mug from online, because I'm in a domestic shipping zone. The relevance of this postscript statement: irrelevant and unnecessary. An overt, intentional humble brag of my access to a want-than-need purchase with a hint of dorkiness.
If you were in college/university at the same time (in another place) as this video below, high five! The temporal disorientation I experience whenever I watch this is odd. It doesn't feel like decades ago, but just yesterday...cheers!

cozy activities

...and self-soothing strategies. I have written and deleted this following section of this post a few times, because I initially wanted to go on a tirade about how my morning started (travails related to vehicle parking during a holiday parade day). Over it. Hakuna matata. I wrote the words, experienced catharsis, and avoided regret. How wonderful is the ability to edit, eh? If we could only have the same kind of backspace/delete/ctrl+X/track changes capability with our real lives, wouldn't that be great? No? You don't think so? Life will be boring, you say? Alright, I get it. Our mistakes are as important as the right choices we've made in leading us to this very moment. Even the most incremental modification...like the difference between 0.506 and 0.506127 (famous numbers by Mr. Lorenz and the butterly effect) can lead to drastically different outcomes. Anyway, let's instead think about Timon and Pumbaa and their problem-free philosophy...

Meanhwile, the bucolic old lady in me has returned to repursue some crafting. I am quite proud of a matching off-white beanie and cowl I made about 2 holidays ago. I saw a skein of the perfect shade of purple (or violet?) so I am attempting to make another beginner hat. Good luck to me. I hope this was entertaining and wasn't a complete waste of your reading time. 

indisposed

'Tis a day of herbal tea with a slice of lemon, slow cooker soup, fleece pajamas, and naps. How has your week been? My recent inspirational statement is from Philippians 4:6. Also, I've been enjoying holiday playlists and seasonal radio channels. I'm sharing with you a playlist that's been on my library for a while and have been playing:

Here's to taking care of our bodies and minds so we can recover and carry on with whatever purpose we've been tasked in this life...a verbose and dramatic way of saying that if and when unwell, rest.

Despite the unfortunate events, it's still a lovely day. Cheers.

{p.s. I'm enjoying being able to embed Spotify widgets, as you can see...}

another chance

 

Image by Betidraws from Pixabay

The past two weeks was a wake up call: vita brevis. After a routine procedure resulting in a vague yet concerning outcome, followed by further urgent diagnostic tests that miraculously resulted in good news--in the middle of it all, I was already catastrophizing in my mind. It was interesting that while I felt fear, there was a substantial part of me that felt acceptance. Like Oh, this is it. I didn't realize it was going to be this soon, yet I'm grateful. I mentioned many posts ago that I would sometimes maximize my senses during certain moments in order to experience being fully alive. I've decided to carry on with that practice as much as I could. Like this moment, I am in a quiet work area at a nice library during reading week (fewer university students) and currently listening to the track "All the Better For Her" from the original motion picture soundtrack of "Sense and Sensibility" (within the Spotify Playlist "Tea at Idlewild Cottage" by Julianna Lawson whom I discovered on Instagram and her podcast)--I am very grateful for this moment of health and peace. I initially booked a workspace from my building, but since we're affiliated with this academic institution, I thought of enhancing my work environment today. What a gift, eh? To be able to work. To have tasks to do.

My recommendation at this moment for you: if there is something that you don't like to go through and have experienced before--let's say acid reflux--and you don't have it at this very moment? Be grateful. Thank God. I did want to mention that on the days last week when I was waiting anxiously for confirmatory results, with surrender yet hope, I constantly prayed that if God wills it, I would be okay...but that God's will be done no matter what. I cannot tell you how many tears I shed nor can I clearly describe the roller coaster mixture of feelings of fear and acceptance that I went through, but the fact that my health is okay...that it was one of those rare occasions of false positives...my goodness, imagine the joy that my family felt. It was literally being given another chance. Another chance within the same single chance. We only have one life--a single chance to exist as we are at this moment, yet to be made aware of the invaluable time that we have on loan provides incredible clarity of what is important. So be kind to others and yourself. Life: what a gift.